Today was Random Act of Kindness day... My 13-year-old daughter reports that a guy who 'looked like a gangster' held the door for them at the doctor's rooms. I didn't point out that holding the door was just good manners and he probably wasn't even aware it was RAK day - good manners and an act of kindness are two different things, aren't they??
Anyway, my wife put the rubbish out for me. That made feel like I should do something for her in return - and of course, I will... But that also got me thinking about the whole Law of Reciprocity.
When somebody does something for you, it engages a sense of obligation - as Marcel Mauss put it, 'we have an obligation to give, an obligation to recieve and an obligation to repay'.
Many people think that by giving free one hour consultations away, they're engaging reciprocity. Anybody with any sense at all knows they're really just going to deliver a sales pitch. The same applies to gifts like pens, plants and other gadgets... we know it's just marketing.
But, when somebody does something for you at personal cost - well that's powerful. Even if we know that what they're doing is done with an ulterior motive, the personal cost is a clincher, everytime.
Personal cost may involve going out of their way, raising a sweat on your behalf, giving up two or three hours of their time, recommending you to friends or referring business to you, putting out the rubbish...
If you want to engage a sense or reciprocity, it has to be earned. Again the theory is good, but the actual, effective application is not as easy as it may first appear.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
It's not what you know, it's who you know
Like any other business owner, I'm always thinking about what it takes to be successful at what I do. In that vein, I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that 'who you know' really is the key to success (whatever your endevour), and that the people you hang out with will largely determine whether you're going to be successful or not - at least in most things.
If you want to be a good cyclist, hang out with good cyclists - they'll teach you, motivate you and push your limits. If you want a promotion, choose carefully when it comes to those you hang out with at the water-cooler.
If you hang out with people who have no money, it's likely you also will have no money.
Ever noticed how many rock stars's kids go on to celebrity success. It's not because they're the most talented - although they certainly have that - it's mostly to do with the circles in which they move.
The movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness" is a great example. Played by Will Smith, the film tells the true story of Chris Gardner, a struggling salesman and father totally dedicated to his son, who takes the chance to try for a stockbroker internship position at Dean Witter. He experiences homelessness with his son, trouble with the taxman and other challenges.
At one stage he manages to get himself into the corporate box of a wealthy CEO at a football game, with the intention of securing the man's business. During the game the man tells him bluntly not to bother, but to instead sit back and enjoy the game.
What happened in the box though, was the ticket... because the other people he met in that corporate box liked him and ultimately became the clients who helped him secure that internship.
They told him: "Call me". But he didn't at first because he was so disappointed at losing the CEO's business. But they were also wealthy people and eventually he did call a couple and they had the wealth, influence and connections to recommend him to other, equally successful people.
But it's not easy, far from it. You need to be able to hold your own with those people at that level, be personable and draw on every social skill in the book, not to mention creativity, tenacity, grit, ambition - the price is high!
So while the secret to success isn't so secret, it's not so easy either.
I guess this is what this blog is about - extending your personal "circle" of influence; how to do it, networking, the price, motivations, ideas, questions... I call it The Silver Spoon Effect for obvious reasons.
If you want to be a good cyclist, hang out with good cyclists - they'll teach you, motivate you and push your limits. If you want a promotion, choose carefully when it comes to those you hang out with at the water-cooler.
If you hang out with people who have no money, it's likely you also will have no money.
Ever noticed how many rock stars's kids go on to celebrity success. It's not because they're the most talented - although they certainly have that - it's mostly to do with the circles in which they move.
The movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness" is a great example. Played by Will Smith, the film tells the true story of Chris Gardner, a struggling salesman and father totally dedicated to his son, who takes the chance to try for a stockbroker internship position at Dean Witter. He experiences homelessness with his son, trouble with the taxman and other challenges.
At one stage he manages to get himself into the corporate box of a wealthy CEO at a football game, with the intention of securing the man's business. During the game the man tells him bluntly not to bother, but to instead sit back and enjoy the game.
What happened in the box though, was the ticket... because the other people he met in that corporate box liked him and ultimately became the clients who helped him secure that internship.
They told him: "Call me". But he didn't at first because he was so disappointed at losing the CEO's business. But they were also wealthy people and eventually he did call a couple and they had the wealth, influence and connections to recommend him to other, equally successful people.
But it's not easy, far from it. You need to be able to hold your own with those people at that level, be personable and draw on every social skill in the book, not to mention creativity, tenacity, grit, ambition - the price is high!
So while the secret to success isn't so secret, it's not so easy either.
I guess this is what this blog is about - extending your personal "circle" of influence; how to do it, networking, the price, motivations, ideas, questions... I call it The Silver Spoon Effect for obvious reasons.
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