Today was Random Act of Kindness day... My 13-year-old daughter reports that a guy who 'looked like a gangster' held the door for them at the doctor's rooms. I didn't point out that holding the door was just good manners and he probably wasn't even aware it was RAK day - good manners and an act of kindness are two different things, aren't they??
Anyway, my wife put the rubbish out for me. That made feel like I should do something for her in return - and of course, I will... But that also got me thinking about the whole Law of Reciprocity.
When somebody does something for you, it engages a sense of obligation - as Marcel Mauss put it, 'we have an obligation to give, an obligation to recieve and an obligation to repay'.
Many people think that by giving free one hour consultations away, they're engaging reciprocity. Anybody with any sense at all knows they're really just going to deliver a sales pitch. The same applies to gifts like pens, plants and other gadgets... we know it's just marketing.
But, when somebody does something for you at personal cost - well that's powerful. Even if we know that what they're doing is done with an ulterior motive, the personal cost is a clincher, everytime.
Personal cost may involve going out of their way, raising a sweat on your behalf, giving up two or three hours of their time, recommending you to friends or referring business to you, putting out the rubbish...
If you want to engage a sense or reciprocity, it has to be earned. Again the theory is good, but the actual, effective application is not as easy as it may first appear.
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